Why its ok to be picky when it comes to dating

If I had a £1 for every time I was told I was too picky when it came to dating, I’d be….well not rich, but definitely better off. But what exactly is wrong with being picky?


After a few years on the dating scene, and more mistakes then I’d care to count, I know what I’m looking for in a guy and what I’m definitely not, but when I try and explain all this to my friends, they look at me like I’m mad and tell me I’m being far too picky. But why should I waste my time with a guy I just know isn’t right for me?

Earlier this year during a catch up with a few of my friends who are all in long term relationships, the conversation inevitably turned to my dating life, if I was on any apps and if they could ‘have a go’ on them for me (why do people in relationships ALWAYS want to play on your dating apps?!). Each time I tried to swipe left on a guy I was met with questions of “why, what’s wrong with him?” and my answer was of course never good enough. “You’re being too picky,” they kept saying.

So, after plenty of nagging, I decided to try and not be picky and go outside my dating comfort zone.

I matched with people I wouldn’t usually have and surprisingly event went on a date. I’ll be honest though, even though he seemed like a really nice guy, something just felt off and I told my friends I didn’t think he was right for me. They insisted I give him another try and not immediately write him off , so I pushed those red flags to the back of my mind, we carried on dating and long story short, it ended in tears.

That’s when I came up with The Relationship List, which has everything I’m looking for in a guy.

In total there are around 40 points with the highlights including:

  • Must be able to drive and ideally have a car.
  • Mustn’t live with his parents or too far away.
  • Works on a similar schedule to me, i.e. not shift work because I want us to be off at the same time.
  • Must be smart, but preferably not smarter than me!
  • Enjoy reading
  • Similar taste in music
  • Good dresser
  • Have hobbies but not overly obsessed with them.
  • Enjoys being active and looks after himself
  • Is affectionate

I told someone about the list and after they finished laughing, they said I’d never be able to find someone who ticked all those boxes. So supportive, I know! Maybe they’re right, maybe it will be a struggle. I’m not saying the guys I might date from now on have to meet every single one of these criteria,  but I don’t understand why I should have to settle for someone I know won’t make me happy?

Each of these points has been added to the list based on past dating experiences. They’re things that have previously caused contention or have been missing from relationships and that I’ve realised are actually really important to me.


So, I am making a pledge to continue to be picky when it comes to dating and refuse to settle in a relationship. Maybe I’ll be single for a long time, but I’d rather be happy on my own than anxious and sad in an unhappy relationship that was born to die.

Do you have a relationship list? Let me know what’s on yours!




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